Maybe I’m a mermaid, after all.
Arial wants to be where the people are. She wants to see, wants to see them dancing. She wants to be part of their world.
Arial and I have a lot in common. (#mermaidlife)
I often feel as if I live in a world that was not made for me, a world that is against me in a lot of ways. I fight it. I try really hard to assimilate and fit in. I continually push myself. I put a lot of effort into keeping up – this world of busy days and endless social engagements. Because I want to be where the people are. I want to jump and dance and stroll and experience it all the same.
But sometimes I can’t. Sometimes days are really hard and I can’t pretend that my mermaid fins work as well as their made-for-land legs.
I learned something really valuable this week: A tired mind breeds a hopeless spirit.
This past week, my pushing and constant striving finally led me to a place of physical and mental exhaustion. A snowball of events led to no sleep, which led to a brain that didn’t have any more energy to combat the lies that are daily thrown in my path. Hope was really hard to grip onto and fear felt ever-present.
But God breathed hope back into my heart this morning. After three nights of wonderful, blessed sleep, I am feeling like Jord again. I’m feeling really thankful for this life and the gentle wisdom of a Father who redeems and loves big and deep.
I am learning the importance of rest, of listening to my body when it says “this is too much right now.” I am learning how to take off my “I can do everything” mask and be real with my trusted comrades. God can be trusted to pull us out of despair. And He does.
Looking back on the past few weeks, they seem kind of foreign and I would like to never repeat them, please, but I’m thankful for this deeper understanding of grace for myself. God has already begun to redeem this whole mess by allowing me to see there is no weakness in not keeping up – just care and dignity.
I will probably always want to be where the people are – it’s just how my little extrovert heart is wired – and there is beauty in that. But I’m eager to walk (or swim) a more balanced, day-to-day – listening to what God is calling me to and living it with intention.
There is joy in today, in every day. Some days it’s harder to find than others, but it’s there, waiting to be discovered. Whether it’s needed truth from a beloved friend when you feel like you’re losing your mind, or a hope-filled song on a new Spotify playlist – little joys are everywhere. I see that now. When life is tough, make that your mission: find the joy in this day.